The New Genesis 22:
Some time later God tested Abraham. He said to him, “Abraham!”
“Here I am,” he replied.
Then God said,
“Take your son, your only son, whom you love—Isaac—and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as on a mountain I will show you.”
Early the next morning Abraham got up and loaded his AR-15. He took with him two Board members of the NRA and his son Isaac. When he got his extra ammo clip, he set out for the place God had told him about. On the third day Abraham looked up and saw the place in the distance. He said to the NRA board members, “Stay here with the donkey while I and the boy go over there. We will worship and then we will come back to you.”
Abraham took the AR-15 for the offering and placed it on his son Isaac, and he himself carried the extra clip. As the two of them went on together, Isaac spoke up and said to his father Abraham, “Father?”
“Yes, my son?” Abraham replied.
“The AR-15 and the ammo are here,” Isaac said, “but where is the lamb for the offering?”
Abraham answered with a nudge an wink,
“God himself will provide the lamb for the offering, my son.”
And the two of them went on together.
When they reached the place God had told him about, Abraham built an altar there and checked his AR-15. He bound his son Isaac and laid him on the altar. Then he reached out his hand and took the rifle to slay his son. But the angel of the Lord called out to him from heaven, “Abraham! Abraham!”
“Here I am,” he replied.
“Do not lay a hand on the boy,” he said. “Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear the NRA, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son.”
The angel of the Lord called to Abraham from heaven a second time and said,
“I swear by myself, declares the Lord, that because you have done this and have not withheld your son, your only son, I will surely bless you and make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as the sand on the seashore who will never have to face a background check and can get a high powered rifle no matter how young they are or how mentally challenged. Your descendants will take possession of the cities of their enemies, the liberals who want fewer guns in the hands of those who shouldn’t have them, and through your offspring all nations on earth and all the people within your own county will be blessed because you will be armed to the teeth.”
Then Abraham returned to his NRA buddies, and they set off together for Mar a Lago. And Abraham played a few rounds of golf.