There is no privilege

I have been watching the debates and reading the political coverage of the Democratic candidates. While I understand the need to snipe at each other, in the process some of the “clever” comments and attacks reveal, in a very clichéd manner, more about the person making the comments and attacks rather than their target.

Mayor Pete was prepared for the recent attacks.

Of course he was.

As a Gay man, in the closet or out, he has had to be prepared for what is thrown at him. Out of the closet, the attacks are directed at him. In the closet, he saw the attacks on others, and needed to prepare for the time they would be directed at him.

He is reduced to a white man, and so the white people on the campaign trail claim to fully know his life experience, while those of color see him through the lens of their own experiences with the white majority.

He is condemned for having had fundraisers with no press presence, and assigned some nefarious motive for this. As a Gay man who has lived in various places in the country, I am well aware of the uneven attitudes toward Gay people. People , whether Straight or Gay, who live comfortably in more progressive locations might not be aware that there are still places where being Gay is a career and social standing killer. There is the possibility that without press, people who would compromise their careers and social standing if they were “outed” by others, in this case with their names and, perhaps, pictures in the media, can attend these fundraisers without that fear.

There are many Gay supporters who could lose much if their employers, co-workers, family, friends, landlords, or social circle find out they’re Gay.

If you are Gay, you get that.

If you are not Gay, you might not see that as the big deal it actually is.

And if you don’t, then you are not as well informed about the Gay experience as you may assume you are.

I am out, and proudly and unapologetically so. I have had my share of the negative treatment Gay people have to deal with. I am long past the fear of people’s reaction if I mention I am Gay if it comes up in conversations about relationships, politics, bars I frequent, and life experiences, and if the person with whom I am speaking makes that “ewwww” face. I just let it pass. I have had the worst slurs thrown at me and the most absurd claims made about me in the past by those who do not know me.

I am at that place now where the worst has already been said, and where all that is left is being maimed or killed for being Gay. It was not easy to get to that point.

Those who attack Mayor Pete alternate between his not being “Gay enough”, mainly because he came out “late” so he avoided the negatives Gay people have to live with in their youth, as if the closet is a pleasant place, and he doesn’t mince and swish, and his being White means he has lived a life of privilege.

You see, White Gay men know only privilege.

  • It’s a privilege to be afraid to be discovered.
  • It’s a privilege to hide who you are for safety sake.
  • It’s a privilege to pretend you are who you’re not for safety.
  • It’s a privilege to be beaten up.
  • It’s a privilege to be bullied in school.
  • It’s a privilege to be attacked physically.
  • It’s a privilege to be called names.
  • It’s a privilege to be called slurs in public.
  • It’s a privilege to be the target of politicians.
  • It’s a privilege to be condemned from pulpits.
  • It’s a privilege to have false information about you spread and accepted.
  • It’s a privilege to be able to be denied housing and employment.
  • It’s a privilege to lose a job because of who you are, not because of your job performance.
  • It’s a privilege to have been let die because of politics and religion.
  • It’s a privilege to be called pedophile with no evidence.
  • It’s a privilege to have your humanity reduced to sex acts.
  • It’s a privilege to be denied service by a merchant.
  • It’ a privilege to be denied medical care.
  • It’s a privilege to have the dismissal of your civil rights supported by the government.
  • It’s a privilege to enlist to fight for your country in the days of Don’t Ask/Don’t tell”, knowing that you can be discharged if the real you is “discovered”.
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White Gay men do not necessarily benefit from white privilege.

To not know that, or not accept that, is to reveal the shallowness of what could be, perhaps, a useful and convenient acceptance of Gay people.

The women on stage and the people of color who stand with them decry “Identity Politics”, as they speak of their own attributes that display diversity, while condemning references to Mayor Pete’s orientation for being “identity politics”, a bad thing. He is to accept only that he is a White male and, so, privileged, rather than a Gay man who does not have it.

They can proclaim their identity and claim it as a strength, while he is supposed to ignore a part of his identity and meekly accept, as Gay men have been expected to do for far too long, what identity they assign him.

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